Do You Know Your Bill of Rights?

The First 10 Amendments to the
Constitution as Ratified by the States

December 15, 1791

Preamble

Congress OF THE United Statesbegun and held at the City of New York, on Wednesday
the Fourth of March, one thousand seven hundred and eighty nine.

THE Conventions of a number of the States having at the time of their adopting the Constitution, expressed a desire, in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers, that further declaratory and restrictive clauses should be added: And as extending the ground of public confidence in the Government, will best insure the beneficent ends of its institution

RESOLVED by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America, in Congress assembled, two thirds of both Houses concurring, that the following Articles be proposed to the Legislatures of the several States, as Amendments to the Constitution of the United States, all or any of which Articles, when ratified by three fourths of the said Legislatures, to be valid to all intents and purposes, as part of the said Constitution; viz.:

ARTICLES in addition to, and Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America, proposed by Congress, and ratified by the Legislatures of the several States, pursuant to the fifth Article of the original Constitution.

Amendment I

Freedom of Religion, speech, press, assembly and petition.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Amendment II

Right to Keep and Bare Arms

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Amendment III

Conditions for quarters of soldiers

No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Amendment IV

Right of Search and Seizure Regulated.

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Amendment V

Provisions Concerning Prosecution

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Amendment VI Right to a speedy trial, witnesses, etc. In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence. Amendment VII Right to Trial by Jury In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law. Amendment VIII Excessive Bail, Cruel/Unusual punishment. Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. Amendment IX Rule of Construction of Constitution The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. Amendment X Rights of States Under Constitution. The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

The Debate...Smokers

I'm about to venture into an area that many feel strongly about.   Everyone has strong opinions regarding smoking and smokers and some people will become very defensive about the topic.  I would like to preface this by stating that I do have friends who smoke and I love them dearly.  I also worry about them terribly.  The majority of my friends who smoke do so with respect to others.  They go outside to smoke; they wash their hands afterwards or wear a hat to avoid getting the smell in their hair and they never try to push their habit onto me.  With that said...here I my issues with smoking and smokers in general.

1.  I do not want to breathe in your toxins.  Please do not smoke right outside the entrance ways to buildings.  If you are walking down the street I really don't want to be stuck behind you with your toxic smoke of death floating into my face.  You have the right to poison yourself but not others, please be considerate of where you smoke.

2.  If you have asthma and you choose to smoke I do not want to see your ass in the ER complaining that your asthma is out of control or that you can't get rid of your respiratory infection. DUH IDIOT  QUIT SMOKING THEN

3.  If you have children and you smoke do NOT smoke around your children.  Do not smoke in the house and for God's sake DO NOT SMOKE IN THE CAR WITH YOUR CHILDREN IN IT!!!  I am sick and tired of parents bringing their children in for difficulty breathing, recurrent ear infections, and recurrent asthma problems and saying "i don't understand why they have so many breathing problems/ear infections" BECAUSE YOU ARE EXPOSING YOUR CHILD TO POISON!  THEY ARE SUFFERING BECAUSE OF YOUR ACTIONS.  These particular smokers absolutely wreak of smoke, i feel like I'm going to have an asthma attack just walking into the exam room and I don't have asthma.  If you want to put your own health at risk fine...but don't do it to your children.   Additionally; research has shown that the chemicals and toxins from smoking linger on clothing, hair, skin and materials such as carpet for much longer than ever expected; therefore when you smoke outside and come in and pick up your child and they touch your face, your hands, your hair and your clothing you are still exposing them to chemicals and toxins that are just as dangerous as those they can breath in from the smoke.

4.  Lying to health care providers about smoking.  Really? You think we can't smell it on you.  We can.  Tell us the truth.  We aren't going to berate you, or lecture you; I am going to offer you help in quiting if you ever desire to do so and I am going to educate you about the health effects of smoking including; high blood pressure, coronary artery disease, cancer (alot more of them then just lung), menstruation problems, infertility, fetal injury and insult, and hygiene. 

5.  Quiting smoking is one of the absolute hardest addictions to overcome.  Smoking stimulates the same receptors as using heroin and cocaine and therefore is just as addictive.   I give a great deal of credit to those trying to quit and those that have.  And if you fail once don't think you'll just keep failing, on average it takes 6 attempts to quit successfully.

Really...Hang Up the DAMN Phone Already!!

Here's my take on cell phone etiquette.  Yes our world has changed since the introduction of the mobile phone.  They are handing, helpful, and for many an absolute must have on them all time.  But what happened to politeness and some form of etiquette when using them.  Here are my top 10 cell phone no no's.

#1.  DO NOT text, surf the web, or check facebook while you're driving!  Are you trying to KILL someone else or just yourself?

#2.  If you can't have a conversation and drive at least the speed limit and safely hang your damn phone up!

#3.  When you come into the ER or Doctors office for medical care...get the hell off your phone.  You clearly are not ill enough to be in the emergency room if you are too busy talking/texting on your phone to answer the triage nurses questions.  Health care providers do not have all the time int he world, if you can't get off your phone during your appointment then reschedule for a more convenient time and let the practitioner get back to taking care of patients who clearly need and respect them!

#4.  Get off your damn phone when you are in line or interacting with a check out person, barista, bank teller etc!  It is completely rude and inconsiderate to be blabbing on your phone, probably having a conversation no one else wants to hear, and not even acknowledging someone who is helping you.

#5.  Do not sit on your phone talking or texting when you are on a date.  I do not care if it is your first date, date night with your spouse of no matter how many years, or a date with your girlfriends who haven't seen in awhile...It is rude and makes the other people feel like they really aren't worth your time. Put your phone away and return calls/messages when dinner/date is over!

#6.  No I, and most of people in the bathroom do not want to hear your intimate phone call and the person you are talking to probably doesn't want to be hearing you or anyone else pooping or peeing - Hang Up!

#7.  Absolutely under no circumstances should you be using your cell phone in any manner while in a movie theatre...leave the damn thing in your car or purse and make sure the damn ringer is off!

#8.  This one I just discovered tonight.  When you are at the gym, you and most other people there are there to work out right?  GET OFF YOUR DAMN PHONE when you are on the treadmill next to me!  The gym is no place of chitchatting on your cell!  It is distracting and I don't want to hear your intimate conversations or your discussion about what to make for dinner or what your doctor told you....its more annoying than those damn men who grunt while lifting weights or let the weights slam down making loud noises that startle me when I'm trying to concentrate on my cardio!

#9.  Do not call people and put them on speaker phone without their knowledge...better yet, don't 3 way call people without warning them.

#10.  When you are in the same room as other people who are watching a movie, or reading etc...do not call people and talk to them super loudly and on speaker phone...that is rude and inconsiderate.

Seriously...Can't we all just..AIM

Ok I need to rant a bit here tonight.  

why can't men get all their damn pee in the fricken toilet?  This is gross people.  I have to deal with pee on the toilet seat enough at home; I DO NOT want to worry about it at work.  Really...come on; I work in the health care field at a hospital.  I do not think or expect that I should need to check the toilet seat in the employee restrooms before I sit down.  So tonight I go potty in the ER employee restroom attached to the ambulance garage.  I sit down and do my thing and as i move to clean up and stand up I realize that a large part of my butt cheek is wet!  Yes some moron peed on the toilet seat in an employee bathroom in a hospital!  Really?

Here's the deal people.  If you cannot get all your urine into the large hole in the middle of the seat you need to either sit your ass down on that seat when you pee, or wipe the fricken thing off when you are done! 

Enough is Enough!  Us women need to stand up for our "clean toilet seat rights"!  Men take note...we will not tolerate this any more; when I find pee on the toilet seat at home I make the culprit come clean it up...you better believe I'm gonna be doing that at work from now on.  I will hunt down every one of you men and make you come wipe the seat down!  Maybe I'll sprinkle some sort of gross body fluid onto the seat before you go in there to poo...see how you like it; HMMPH

Keep It Neat...Manscaping

By the request of two peeps...here is my take on manscaping...I'd love to hear yours!

Manscaping; as Marth Stewart would say, "its a good thing"!!  Yes I prefer a neat man.  I think a lot of my girls out there would agree.  Its just cleaner, and neater and shows that the man takes care of himself.  Most men prefer a woman to be "womanscaped"; hmm I'm going to have to come up with a good term for that; so why wouldn't we like them to do the same?  Nothing crazy please; and no, manscaping does not imply your sexual preference.

You Aren't The Boss of Me!!

Working off a fb friends suggestion this evening I would like to discuss the importance of making your own choices and decisions about different life experiences.

Marriage - it seems other people always have opinions about who you should marry and when.  Whose business is that really.  Unless you are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship; other people need to keep their damn comments to themselves.  I know plenty of people who got engaged and married after only a short dating period.  I know people who married someone that they spent most of their time complaining about.  The worst comment in these situations is, "you can do better".  Best Reply..."Really better than what; I love this person, faults and all, they make me feel complete...shut up and go look in the mirror...maybe you are the one doubting your relationship".

Having Children: it is no ones business to tell someone when they should or shouldn't have children.  We all have our opinions on what is best for a relationship. Some people think getting pregnant right away is important, others think 2 years is good, others want five.  Some people think you shouldn't plan it at all because God will make it happen when it is supposed to.  Well, just because waiting 5 years for you worked well doesn't mean it is what I or my partner want.  Bud out.

Religion: I'm not going into too much depth here but I am simply going to state this.  What you believe is what you believe and what I believe is what I believe.  DO NOT try to push your beliefs or practices onto someone else; no matter what their religion is...Buddist, Muslim, Jewish, Catholic, Luthern, or agnostic...let them learn about their own god as they want to.

How to parent:  Wow this could be an entire blog on its own.  Everyone has the right to decide how they will parent their children.  Other people, including myself, will always think their methods are better and many will give unsolicited advice about what you are doing wrong and how to do it right.  Yes, I see kids whose parents seriously need to learn how to discipline them.  I also see children whose parents need to lay off a little and let them be a kid.  I see parents who feed their kids McDonald's on a daily basis and get made when their kids are called fat; but I also see parents who feed their children only raw foods and wonder why they are anemic, underweight, and behind on developmental milestones.  The thing is, maybe there is no "right way' to parent.  I think there is...and its my way...but I bet you are thinking the same thing.

You're Pregnant; you Can't do that:  First let me say...never Tell a pregnant woman she can or can't do something unless she asks you or you are her health care provider.  When I was pregnant people were constantly telling me "you can't drink coffee" - guess what idiot - Yes I can because I checked with my health care providers to make sure a certain amount of caffeine is safe and BTW how the hell do you know this isn't decaf?  "you can't eat that" guess what moron, yes I can because it isn't real sushi its made with cooked fish or fake fish...ask whats in it before you force your "all knowing knowledge" on me.  "You shouldn't lift that its heavy" - I'm pregnant not disabled, Unless you know for a fact someone is having pregnancy problems and their health care provider has told them no activities then shut up.  I could keep going; but here's the one that pissed me off the most..."you don't want a girl" - SHUT THE F UP...actually I do and guess what else, I don't get to choose the gender of my baby and even if I could I wouldn't!  Just because you don't like and can't take care of your girls doesn't mean I'm going to be unable to care for mine!

Here is a list of some other things that everyone seems to have opinions on but really need to mind their own business unless asked for advice...buying a home - what kind and where; pets; choosing schools/education; decorating your home; weight issues; immunizations...I really could go on and on

So what is the message I'm trying to convey here.  Mind your own business unless some asks you for advice or input.  We all have the right and abilities to make decisions that will or can alter our lives for ourselves.  And if we are making a mistake...let us...that's how people of all ages learn.  What is right for you or your family may not be right for me or mine...so lay off, and maybe think about why your way is so much better.

Crazy Love

I've dated a lot of freaks and jerks; and spent far too much time worrying about those idiots liking me and wasting time.  Four and a half years ago I met someone different.  He was very kind, friendly, social, talkative, genuine, and cute.  He wasn't a recent felon or parole, he wasn't married, and didn't have a 6 week baby at home...or his "baby mama's" home where he still lived...yep been there dated that.  But most importantly this man was extremely funny and always able to make me laugh.

His name is Dave and 1 1/2 years ago we got married!  Despite the little annoyances I have with him; I mean really...we are all annoyed but at least one thing our spouse/SO does; the man is hilarious.   He always has these one-liners that would just crack me up...for example he likes to announce "what a great day with friends" after an outing or night at the bar; "Im kinda  a big deal" and "people know me" these hilarious and random things he'd say...which I thought were so original...until I watched "Anchorman" with him and realized that half of his one liners were directly taken from this movie.  He also says things at random times such as "i love your curves", "I love how you're put together", and "you don't know how badly I need this".  Yes my husbands one liners are random, sometimes at inappropriate times, but always manage to make me smile.

My husband also has some highly dangers habits that drive me crazy and make "driving with him" a crazy experience.  He does not check his blind spot before he switches lanes, he likes to ride the lines, he has a habit of playing with his phone...not texting but twirling it in his hands while driving, he tries to look at the scenery...while driving, he never looks up directions anywhere before we go so we end up driving around until he figures it out, and he has some sort of chronic addiction to hitting potholes and getting flat tires (that goodness we have AAA), and locking his keys in his car.  Yes being in an automobile with my husband as a passenger is a crazy and sometimes a down right heart stopping experience.

My husband does not actually make plans.  Oh he tells me he does, but it is a big fib.  For example, he is known for planning a dinner out but not actually picking a restaurant until we've driven by about 15 and I've said, just pick a fricken place already; planning ahead is not a trait of his but makes for some interesting and impromptu dates.

My husband is extraordinarily social and loves to meet new people.  This is nice because I can bring him basically anywhere, high school reunion, weddings, work events, and not worry at all that he'll be bored because I know he'll find several people to talk to.  This does however get a little crazy sometimes.  One night we were at Perkins on our way home from, i think a baseball game, and there is a very drunk and very emotional guy at the booth by us eating by himself...so what does my husband do; invites him to join us.  My husband also likes to talk to strangers and homeless persons on the street; I'm just not so sure that is a safe way to meet people.  But the worst part about it, at least for me, is that the majority of times we go out together, which are few and far between now that we have a baby, I feel like he is on a date with our waitress/waiter and not me because he spends more time talking to them during our dinner than me...hmmm maybe I'm boring?

My husband loves....LOVES the library.  Its a little odd, I'm sure he spends time talking to random people there, but at least I know our daughter will be exposed to a lot of books and literature!

My husband also loves our bonfire pit.  He really enjoys putting large pieces of brush and wood into the 3 foot diameter pit...without cutting it or making sure it will fit within the stone bricks...this also makes for interesting bonfire experiences; and no grass growth within approximately 3 feet of our pit.

My husband enjoys to cook and is particularly fond of our Rachael Ray cookbooks.  However; if he can't find an ingredient, and lets admit it - she uses some odd ones, he just substitutes or leaves it out.  Its great he is adventurous and willing to experiment with cooking;  but when you leave the main ingredient of the dish out or switch it up...it's a little weird.

I could probably go on and on and on about the interesting and crazy things my husband does.  But the main point here is...he keeps our lives really REALLY interesting; he makes me laugh no matter how bad of a day I had or how poor my mood is...he's even been known to make me laugh when I am fuming at him!  Yeah, living with my husband can be a little crazy but hey....that's just one of the reasons I love him...I guess its a Crazy Love

Personal Experience...or others ASSumptions

Once again I feel the need to express that topics written about and discussed within this blog are not necessarily taken from my personal experiences, concerns, or situations.  They are topics that come to mind that i have opinions about, concerns with, or feel the need to discuss.

Just because I question why women are uncomfortable with the appearance of their genitalia does not mean I don't like mine.  If I blog about infidelity; it does not mean my husband is cheating on me. 

When and if I am specifically referring to myself or situation personally; it will be stated...Please don't make assumptions about what you read...all it does is make and ASS out of yourself.

Oh No You Didn't

Embarassment.  Why are we so embarrassed sometimes and so many times by the people closest to us?  Why do we feel that sting of embarassment when someone else is acting stupid or foolish?  Is it because we worry that others will generalize their behaviors towards us, or is it because if we didn't "know" this person and we met them acting in this embarassing manner; we wouldn't want anything to do with them?

What makes each person feel embarassed?  For some  it may be the words another person chooses to use, or the way they  talk.  Maybe it is the type of jokes someone tells; or the tone and volume of their voice.  Sometimes it is the utter and obvious lack of self controll and immaturity that occurs.  Many times these occurances happen when one is drinking and they loose any self censorship they may have previously held. 

I am certain I have done or said things that have made others who are related to or associated with me feel embarassed; most likely my lack of using a filter and not being concerned with others think.  So this makes me wonder, why do I feel embarassed by someone elses actions?  Is it my own insecurities or the fact that when some people act certain ways, I feel disrespected and disregarded, and I wonder what other people are thinking when I already feel this way?

Is there an appropriate and effective way to address these issues with someone?  How do you tell someone you love "when you act this way, I feel embarassed to be around you or associated with you.  How do you address the issues without hurting someone's feelings? There are times I have been with a friend or someone close to me and they have said or done something and I thought "OMG they did NOT just say/do that!!"  Are some people just that oblivious to the social expectations of certain situations?  Are these people dumb...stupid...ignorant...uncaring...or were they simply never taught these basic behaviors by their parents?  I don't have the answers to these questions or I wouldn't even be discussing them here?

What has someone else done that caused you to feel embarassed or disrespected in front of others? How have you handled these people in your life?  Are you one of the embarassing people and how did someone let you know?

Love and Other Drugs

So I was struggling with a good topic for blogging tonight when I saw a commercial for "Love and Other Drugs" the movie.  This particular commercial seemed to draw attention to the size of the man's whoowhodilly.  So I say, is size important.  YES.  But big isn't always better; in fact too big can be too scary!

Now this is a topic women talk about alot and men are terrified of!  Yes size does matter. I mean lets face it, if its too small and you can't even feel it whats the point?  and if it's so big you're afraid of it, then anything that happens isn't gonna be good cuz its preceded with fear!  Really what matters is a good size, not too small but not to big and a man who knows how to work it...if all they do is the same motion, over and over and over...really?  What men need to know is we don't want to hear you brag about your size, or your insecurities about it...show us you know how to work with what you got and its fine.  I hear lots of stories from my single girl friends and let me tell you, the single guys out there need some serious teaching;  I am so happy I am married! 

So here's my advice.  Men who are on the small side...learn how to use it and learn some other tricks too, men who are too big...you need to learn patience and go slow...men who are "perfect" in size...ah ah ah...you still need to know how to use it and tricks won't hurt you either...nothing is worse than a man with a "perfect" whoowhoodilly who has no clue what he's doing!   Women; if you are single, paired and unsatisfied or simply under-satisfied  invest in a good BOB and learn about your own body, what you like, what feels good, what you are comfortable with and what you're not!  Sex is a two way street, both need to participate and think about their partner not just themselves.....

Intimacy is different from sex;  a lot of women think sex is intimacy but its not.  Intimacy is when you really open up to someone, insecurities and all.  Sometimes intimacy involves sex, sometimes its simply cuddling, kissing and talking, getting to know another person.  For myself and my husband, intimacy is often sharing our fears, feelings, and desires; our hopes for the future, crying in front of each other and sharing when we are scared.

So Love...what is love...love and sex are NOT interchangeable...so many young women think if they have sex with someone that person will "love" them....open your eyes girls! Sex does NOT equal love...sex with someone you barely know often equals, heartbreak, self defeat, STI's and self doubt!  DO NOT have sex thinking it will get you closer to someone you barely know, make someone fall in love with you or fix ANY sort of relationship issue; it doesn't...its just sex.  Love is, in the words of bruno mars; when you would "catch a grenade" for someone; literally lay down your life for theirs....I never knew true love until I met my husband and even  more so when I had my daughter...I would die for that little girl without a second thought, without even a first thought...love is not selfish, it isn't boastful or self serving,  love is complete giving of yourself; without expectation of reward...LOVE is hard to find and once you truly have it hold on to it!

Other drugs:  I honestly believe there are people who are addicted to being in "love", dating, and having relationships.  I know people who have been in one relationship after another without ever spending any time alone...often finding the "next one" while still with the "current one".  This to me screams of insecurity.  Yes love is great, it makes you feel amazing, invincible and your body releases endorphins that make you feel even better, but Love is give and take, love is work and when it gets hard, thats when you can tell who is really in "love" and who is just addicted to the good parts of it.

Wow...how did discussion of male size lead to discussion of love...i don't know but here it is.  Feel free to share when you knew you were actually in LOVE with someone.

WhooWhoo

OK WARNING NOW!  THIS POST IS ABOUT FEMALE ANATOMY - IF THIS MAY OFFEND YOU OR UPSET YOU DO NOT READ FURTHER....YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

So, I had a beautiful baby girl 8 months ago.  She was abit on the large side, 8lbs 11.4oz and she came quickly, I only pushed for about 25minutes.  I did have a small 2nd degree tear, no big deal.  Prior to becoming pregnant I had to have surgery on my...whoowhoo to remove a septum that could have presented me with many problems during pregnancy and/or delivery so, I already had some scar tissue in there.

Since my baby's birth I've felt, different, down there.  which I am sure is normal, but I've continued to have pain with sex...so I saw my Dr today.. Turns out i have a spot of scar tissue, not from the delivery, that is causing the pain along with other issues that worsened it (lack of estrogen etc).  So i have to do some things to try to help it and if they don't work i may require another surgery...not looking forward to that!

Anyway, this situation got me thinking.  Every woman's anatomy is different, and apparently one woman's anatomy can change.  Do we all think our whoowhoos are "not right" or "not normal".  Is there a such thing as a normal "whoowhoo".  Of course, I've "learned" in my schooling that there is.  But the differences are relatively amazing and why do women always seem to think they are the not normal one?  Why are we so concerned about how our whoowhoos look?  I mean really, is anyone actually looking at it? I know I'm not posing in any playboy anytime in the near or distant future.  But I still worry about the aesthetics of my privates.  Where did this whoowhoo insecurity come from?  Are women born with it, or is it something that is taught to us in some way as we grow up - from society, the media?  Are men insecure about their whoowhoodillies?  I mean really, I'm married, my husband loves me the way I am and obviously doesn't have issues with the whoohoo...so why do I?  Why do so many women have problems with their whoohoos? 

Husband Material Vs. Hot Ass

I asked for some suggestions and ideas for my blog tonight and I only got a couple...The first suggestion although really funny; might be a little too much at this point for the blog.  But...the second suggestion I can run with.  My friend Heidi suggested I discuss what women think when they seen an attractive male vs. what men think when they see an attractive woman...here are my thoughts on it (please note, this is meant for fun and humor...no harm intended (ok there is some truth to it too)).

Women:
     Conscious thoughts:  Wow...he is really fit...Look at those arms...I bet he could lift me up with those and....He has a really tight butt; I wonder if he works out...or plays tight end..haha...He is dressed really well; Maybe he's gay?   His hair is hot...I'd like to run my hands through it.   He's so bronzed; was he on vacation, or does he fake bake, or is that makeup?  If I say hi and he looks me in the eye he's mature, if he looks at my chest first I'm outta here.
      Unconscious thoughts:  he is really fit, i but he would spawn strong children.  He dresses well; i don't want to compete; or he might be a mama's boy and she still dresses him.  His hair is hot...he's vain, he'll pay more attention to himself, neglect me and it will end in 3 months.  He's so bronzed...trying too hard to make up for something else, might get skin cancer, he's too into his looks, he has a lot of money to go on vacations with.  He looked me in the eyes...must be gay....he looked at my chest...HEY

Men:
      Conscious thoughts:  Wow shes hot, I'd hit that.  Wow she has big boobies, I'd hit that.  Wow baby got back; I'd hit that.  Wow she has nice hair, I'd hit that.  Wow she is tan, i wonder if she has tan lines, I'll find out while i hit that.  If I say hi and she looks at me i might blush...I should just make a rude comment or slap her ass.  Wow she seems smart; I'd hit that.
      Unconscious thoughts: See above plus add to any statements...she might reject me, mom wont approve,  my wife will find out, my wife will have no idea, I'll need to get her drunk first and  I'd hit that but I'm gay...ooh nice shoes.

In summary, whether women realize it or not they are looking for the ultimate mate to produce strong children with and not compete with.  Men just want to have sex.

Kindness: A rare find

Taking the blog on another spiritual journey (see previous post about trust); an event this evening triggered my thoughts about Kindness.  It is Feb 20th here in MN and we are having a "blizzard".  I actually made it all the way home only to become seriously stuck in our cul-de-sac.  One of our neighbors, whom I've only met once, was out snow blowing his driveway...he immediately came over to help me!  Between Fuey with his snow blower and my husband with ours, the were able to unstick me and I was able to get my car not only into our driveway but into the garage!  If you've never dealt with MN road conditions during a "blizzard" you won't understand the accomplishment in this task!  My husband than proceeded to help our next door neighbors who were having a difficult time to blow out their drive way!

Random acts of kindness.  Where have they gone?  It seems in today's world, everyone is so consumed with their own needs and wants they forget about the simple act of being kind, for no reason at all, to someone else.  Like I've mentioned before, I work in an ER as a nurse.  Back when I was in high school and undergrad nursing school, people treated nurses like gold! they were appreciative, respectful and thoughtful...that is a rare find these days.  Most shifts I am bitched at for taking too long to do something, that I didn't ask the right question, give the medication soon enough, didn't update someone about something, or didn't do someone else's job for them....what the hell am I...a servant!  People are rarely kind anymore and it is far and few between that I hear someone say thank you to me, even at work, or express their gratitude the care I've given them...It tends to make a person bitter and jaded, and a bit unsympathetic.

A few weeks ago I was on my way to work and stopped at Starbucks for my morning Latte.  When I pulled up to the window the barista informed me that the car ahead of me paid for my drink! Wow really, I've only read stories about that happening! I was so appreciative at this random act of kindness that I said, "wow cool, I'll pay for the person behind me!"  The barista looked at me like I was on crack...they must not see many random acts of kindness either. 

SO I guess what I'm saying is none is kind enough anymore and we could all do better at it!  I find myself bitter, jaded and biased a good deal of the time and I'd rather not be that way so I'm going to present a challenge not only to you but to myself...to try to do at least 1 random act of kindness each week!  I think that's a pretty good start!

Trust: Where have you gone?

Tonight at work a person I would consider a friend asked me if I'd ever been cheated on by a guy.  My  answer; "more times than I care to think about".  Our conversation then led to the discussion of how one bad relationship, one lie, one break of trust; can carry over into our current, new, and/or future relationships leading to a lack of trust despite lack of reason.  So it made me start thinking...alot.  Not just about the people in my past who have hurt me but about how I respond to things in the present.

I've been lied to when I didn't think the liar would ever do that to me and I've been cheated on when I had not reason to think it would happen or question the quality of my relationship.  So now, I'm in a great marriage with someone I love and trust but the fact is, instead of just trusting him, he really had to earn it from me during our courtship.  The trust wasn't something I'd just given over or implied in our relationship from the beginning.  Maybe because I was as naive has I had been in the past, but more likely because I'd been so badly hurt in the past by my naivety. 

Then I start talking about how even though my husband has never given me any reason to doubt him or mistrust him; there is still a part of me that hides in the depths of my heart; and lingers in the back of my mind; that automatically makes he think "is he with another girl" at anytime that something "out of the normal" or "unscheduled" occurs.  This is a twofold issue because first I worry that I will be hurt even more badly than ever before and second I feel guilty for even thinking of doubting our relationship and trust we have built in one another.

Is there a way to get back to the state of being in which we just trust people; without making them earn it or prove that they deserve it, trust given without question and kept until the person does something to make you lose it?  How do I retrain my mind and heart to be completely open and not so afraid; to really live for each and every day without the fear of pain in the future?  Is it even possible? Will I ever know that sweet naivety that I once did; even though it left me with scars I can't forget?  Will I ever be able to trust someone 100%, no questions asked, no doubts, no worries or will those invisible scars continue to haunt me, burning my memories with as much heat as they once burned my heart?  Can I ever forget that pain, that feeling of worthlessness, the questioning of what is wrong with myself...should I? Is it really even a better option than the one of remembrance and caution.  Or has it simply made me a scared and semi-paranoid woman with battle scars that run too deep and too wide to ever fully heal?  Scars that although not created by my husband, he has to also bear the burden of?

"Bumping Uglies"

So tonight I told my husband, I need to blog about something brutally honest; what do you think I should blog about?  In typical male fashion his first response was "anal sex".  I said ok, then he says "no blog about ball hair"...yes I married a man's man!  So I told him, ok, I will blog about the "ugly truth" about sex.

The first reference that popped into my head was bumping uglies; this isn't just a funny little reference to sex but it really does describe the act of sex.  I mean lets face it, for the most part, our privates aren't exactly pretty.  There's hair that grows in places we don't want, lots of wrinkles that don't just show with age, odd smells, funky fluids and for most men, terrain they need a map to travel. The honest truth is that unless you are watching a very well directed, edited, and air brushed movie; sex really isn't all that pretty.  So why do we do it? Cause it feels good!  Because it brings us closer to the person/s we love.  Because it can allow a level of intimacy with our partner that occurs only when we have extra time, privacy, energy, and drive. 

Our sex lives change just as we change.  When we get more busy, we get less busy if you know what I mean.  The more we have to do, the less we "do it". There comes a time in our lives when having a sex life is an extravagant and "guilty pleasure".  So if the thought of the "ugliness" of sex is hard for you to, ahem...swallow; I recommend closing your eyes and imagining you are in one of those really well edited and directed movies; and a little candlelight never hurt....or a strategically placed mirror.

Can't Fix Stupid

As an ER RN and grad school student there is one thing I've learned over the years that still gets me.  I can't fix stupid; no matter how hard or how often I try!  See awhile back I determined the difference between dumb and stupid; the two are NOT interchangeable.  Dumb people can't help it; their IQ's literally are 70 or below and they are just not capable of being "smart".  Stupid people on the other hand are not necessarily those with low IQ's, but those with no common sense, those that don't think before the speak, those that make bad decisions no matter how many times they've been burned by that same choice or no matter how many bad consequences they KNOW could happen - some people are stupid; and I can't fix that; believe me...I've tried.